We Are Family!
by RabbidPoniesRUS
Summary: An utter crack-fic about how the genin teams are formed. Crack,crack, and more crack! Not for Neji or Sasuke fans. WARNING: OOC-ness, dont't like don't read. No Flamers.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**A/N: Hello, it's me again. This chapter takes place when Lee, Neji, and TenTen are little. Warning: Neji is OOC. Hope you like it anyway.**

Team 6

It was a fine day in The Village Hidden in the Leaves. The birds were shining, and the sun was chirping, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Rock Lee, a student at the Ninja Academy, was getting ready to have some lunch.

"Ahh, what a youthful day it is. It is a nice day to have my lunch outside." Lee looked up at the sky, but was temporarily blinded by one of the shining birds. When he could see again, he got ready to eat his lunch. But when he looked down, his lunchbox was gone!

"Where'd my lunch go?" Lee asked as he frantically looked around for his missing lunchbox, on the verge of crying. Suddenly, he heard a voice. "I have your lunchbox." It said. Lee turned around and saw Neji holding his lunchbox. "Who are you?" Lee asked, while forlornly staring at his stolen lunch. "Neji Hyuga. And you're Rock Lee, right?" Lee was shocked. "How do you know my name?" "You're the kid who puked in front of everyone during math class while singing the "Anthem of Youth." You were kind of famous after that."

"Oh." Lee replied, a little embarrassed by the memory. "Give me back my lunchbox!" "No, it is destiny that I eat your cupcakes." "How do you know I have cupcakes?" "I can smell a cupcake from a mile away. Why do you think I chose to steal _your_ lunch?" With that, Neji opened up the lunchbox and shoved one of the cupcakes into his mouth. "Noooooooo! Da horror! Ma cupcakes!"

Just then, TenTen walked up. "Hey guys!" she said, smiling. "I saw everything! You guys are funny. Can we be friends?" "Sure!" said Lee. "Yes! I'm TenTen." "I'm Rock Lee, the most awesomest student in the whole academy!" "O…kaaay…" TenTen was starting to regret asking to be Lee's friend.

Awkward silence.

"I'm Neji Hyuga!" Neji, who had hearts in his eyes, said suddenly, making everyone jump. "Here TenTen, have a cupcake!" he said, holding out Lee's last cupcake. Lee was trying to grab it, but Neji slapped his hand and he backed off. "No thanks." Said TenTen. "That stuff goes straight to your thighs." Neji slowly looked down. His thighs were bigger than a grown man! "Ahhh! Ma thighs!" Neji screeched.

Neji ran screaming to the bathroom to hide his shame but got stuck in the doorway. "Ahhh! Ma thighs are stuck! Lee, TenTen, heeelp meee!" Lee and TenTen tried to push him through the door, but to no avail. He stayed stuck and kept screaming until Iruka came looking for them, because they were late for class. By the time he got there, a crowd of laughing students had gathered. Neji was screaming and crying, and Lee and TenTen were trying to calm him down. Iruka hired a team of elite jounin to get him unstuck. Even so, it took three hours. It was the front page story in the _Konoha Times _newspaper for a full week. The Hyuga clan was shamed, and Hizashi put Neji on a diet.

Poor guy. He never ate another cupcake ever again.

**A/N: Poor wittle Neji. Next is Team 7. Oh, the possibilities…**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I. Do. Not. Own. Naruto.**

Team 7

One day at lunch time, Sasuke Uchiha was sitting all alone. He was watching the most popular kid in the academy get swarmed by fan girls. He sighed. He wished he had fan girls. He especially liked Sakura Haruno, but whenever she saw him, she would just pelt him with large quantities of whatever she had with her at the moment. Then he saw the most popular kid in the academy coming towards him.

"Hey, loser." Naruto Uzumaki said as he approached Sasuke. "What do you want?" Sasuke asked, looking at the ground. "I just came over to rub my success in your face!" Naruto then started to wave his butt in front of Sasuke's face, singing "In your face, in your face!" Sasuke started to get mad. Naruto had the highest grades in the whole academy, and Sasuke had the worst. What's more, he could see Sakura laughing at him. He had to do something fast.

"Fire style, Fireball Jutsu!" Sasuke blew a large fireball from his mouth. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" Naruto said, his butt in fire. He jumped in a lake that had just conveniently appeared right next to where he was standing. "Ahhhh…" He said. "Naruto!" Sakura screeched in horror. "Shut up!" Sasuke said, punching her so hard that she flew over top of the trees and made a _ping_ on the horizon. All of the other fan girls screamed and ran away.

Naruto climbed out of the lake. "You know Sasuke," he said, "You're all right. I've been trying to get away from them for weeks. We should be friends." "Sorry." Said Sasuke. "But I'm famous now. I was just informed that since I'm the only one who survived the Uchiha massacre, they want to make a TV show about me called _Avenger_." Naruto's mouth dropped open as a limo and a bunch of really hot girls appeared behind Sasuke. All Naruto's previous fan girls (even Sakura) were also there.

They all climbed into the limo. "See ya, loser." Sasuke said before closing the door. The limo drove away, leaving a dumbfounded Naruto alone in the schoolyard. Lee, Neji and TenTen then came up behind him. "Don't worry Naruto." Lee said cheerfully. "We will be your youthful friends!" Neji and TenTen nodded. "Hey…" Naruto said, pointing at Neji. "Aren't you that thigh kid? The one from the newspaper?"

Neji burst into tears. He clung to TenTen, sobbing into her shirt. "Oh, now look what you've done!" said TenTen, giving Naruto a dirty look. "Don't bring that up around Neji!" Lee said, clearly very angry as well. Naruto sighed. These were not the kind of people that he wanted to be friends with. "Nooo!" he shouted to no one in particular. "Sasuke, why? Why did you leave me with these idiots?" This continued for quite some time, until Iruka came outside to look for them. He saw Naruto on the ground, shouting at the sky, Neji sobbing into TenTen's shoulder, and Lee shouting the "Anthem of Youth." He turned around and ran straight back to the classroom thinking, "My students are retarded…"

**A/N: I know I said I hated Sasuke, but this was the only thing that I could come up with for this chapter. Hope everyone liked it. Anyway, in this story, Team 6 is the same age as everyone else. Thanks for reading and please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Na-ru-tooooooooooooo**

**A/N: Here's the third chapter! Thanks to Katsumi Hatake for being the only one to review so far. This chapter's for you!**

Team 8

It was recess time at the academy, the day after Sasuke was named the most popular kid. We'll look over here, shall we? And see a quiet student named Shino Aburame playing with his slinky all by himself. Shino noticed that on the other side of the playground, a student he recognized as Kiba Inuzuka was getting beat up by an older student.

He just had to do something!

His first thought was to go get Iruka.

His second thought was to scream.

His third thought was to go and help him.

Shino pondered this awhile.

. . . . . . .

He decided he would ask the magic kunai what to do.

Shino pull the string on the magic kunai and it said "_Nothing_"

So Shino just sat down and was still with a mindless expression on his face. This continued until a girl Shino recognized as Hinata Hyuga came stomping over to the mean kid and kicked him in the nugget so hard that he let go of Kiba and flew all the way to Suna.

Kiba stood up and dusted himself off. "Thank you Hinata! Do you want to be friends?" "Sure, but after I finish this kid off." Hinata then started off on her long journey to Suna, leaving a board Kiba to look for a friend. Unfortunately for him, he decided to become friends with Shino.

. . . . . . . .

Shino saw some kid come up to him, and ask to be friends. At first, he panicked, as no one had ever talked to him before. Then he realized that he still had his magic kunai. "What should I do?" he whispered as he pulled the string, causing Kiba to look at him funny. "Rock out." It said in its usual monotone voice. Kiba could only stare as Shino pulled a guitar out of his coat pocket, and sang loudly while playing the song "Tonight." He was apparently so good that Sasuke's fans forgot about him for a second and went to go watch. Then they realized that it was just the weird kid who always wears a coat (even in the middle of summer) and talks to a magic kunai. They went back to join Sasuke.

Kiba, however, decided to join Shino. He pulled a guitar out of _his_ coat pocket and started singing along with Shino. "I take this to mean that we're friends?" Shino said. "Yep." Kiba replied.

They continued "rocking out" until Iruka came outside to collect his students. When he did, he saw Kiba and Shino standing on a picnic table with guitars, singing like maniacs. A bunch of kids were gathered around then cheering. Iruka slipped and banged his head on the same picnic table, just as Kiba decided to smash his guitar in that exact spot. It wasn't a pretty sight…

. . . . . . . .

When Hinata came back from throttling the bully, she saw a bunch of medical ninja outside of the academy. At first, she thought that another bully had hurt Kiba. But when she got closer, she could tell that it was Iruka, whose head was smashed like a pancake. She asked Kiba what had happened. He told her the whole story. "And now we're friends!" he said pulling Shino into a tight hug. "Can't… breathe…" Shino said and passed out.

And so, Kiba, Shino, and Hinata became friends. At first, they caused a few accidents (Nothing major, just blew up the classroom a few times, and almost killed Iruka twice) but as time went on they became less dangerous. Shino was happy to have friends. That didn't stop him from talking to his magic kunai though…

**A/N: This chapter was longer than usual. Probably not too funny though… Anyways, thanks again to Katsumi Hatake for being the only one to review so far. You rock! Also, the next one to review gets the next chapter written for them. Come on, you know you want to…**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Okay, I am back. Sooooo Sooorrrryyy for the realllllllly long wait. Don't give up on me yet! Anyway, this chapter is for Zeezombie. Thanks for the super awesome review! Gaara will come next chapter and Kakashi sometime after that.**

**Squad 10**

Choji Akimichi was quietly eating his snack on the academy lawn while the other kids were playing. "_Dang, I need a friend_" he thought as he chewed on his chips. It seemed like everyone had a friend, even that thigh kid had friends for crying out loud! Everyone but him. "Hey Narrator!" he said. "I want a friend. What should I do?"

You should try thinking of some people to be friends with.

"Okay" Choji replied. "I'll try"

Choji thought long and hard and finally decided to rule out which kids not to be friends with.

Defiantly not Neji. (Cough*thighs*cough)

He would rather die than be friends with Sasuke.

Hinata was scary.

In the end, he realized they all had friends anyway.

The only other guy who didn't have friends was Shikamaru Nara, the most hyper kid in the academy. Choji decided Shikamaru wasn't half as bad as the others so he decided to give it a go.

Choji walked up to Shikamaru and said hi.

"Hi!" Shikamaru said in a hyper voice. "I'm Shikamaru. I like tacos and kittens and chairs and tape and matches and lighters and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah….." Shika just kept on talking so fast that Choji couldn't understand him.

"Helloooo!" Choji yelled to get his attention. Shikamaru stopped talking and looked at Choji. "Oh, I'm sorry. I sometimes talk a lot. Oops." "It's okay, Shikamaru." Said Choji. "Do you wanna be friends?" "Friends?" Shikamaru asked. "Do ya really really really really mean it?" "Sure" said Choji.

"Yaaaaaaaay!" Shikamaru exclaimed. "Now let's do something!" "Like what?" "Dunk our heads in a toilet!" "How bout we just go get some lunch" Choji said. "Okay!"

This might just be the worst decision of Choji's life.

(In the cafeteria)

Shikamaru and Choji were enjoying their lunch and suddenly Shikamaru's head started to inflate.

"What's going on!" Choji, whose eyes were the size of grapefruits, asked. "I forgot I was allergic to Sasuke (The show _Avenger_ was a failure from the start, so Sasuke was back to being hated again) and decided to sit next to him!" Shikamaru said in a panicky voice. "Someone do something!"

(Ino's point of view)

Ino Yamanaka, who was sitting nearby, desperately wanted to help Shikamaru.

"_What should I do?" _ She thought. She had never been one to speak up about these things. Then, in a sudden burst of confidence, she stood up. "Quick!" she yelled, "Someone slaughter Sasuke!"

"I'll do it!" Sakura said, pulling out her history textbook. She threw it across the table and it hit Sasuke in the head just as he was about to take a bite of his sandwich, causing him to fall backwards off the bench. Everyone cheered for Sakura as Shikamaru's head returned to normal size.

Just then, Kakashi (Surprise!) popped out of the floor. Everyone became silent, so he took that to mean that he could speak. "This is the disclaimer!" he yelled, "KrillinFlower doesn't own anything, nor would she want to own Sasuke!" Just then Minato fell from the ceiling and yelled,"Kakashi, it is time for our epic battle!" "Dad!" Naruto yelled, before Kakashi could respond. "Not now, son. I'm busy." Minato said. "But I've never met you before in my life!" Naruto said. "Aren't you happy to see me?" "Yeah, sort of, but I'm more interested in my epic battle with Kakashi!" "But…" Naruto said dejectedly. "No buts, I'm busy!" At this, Naruto started crying. Neji, Lee, and TenTen were immediately at his side. "It's okay." Said Neji, patting Naruto's shoulder, "Just let it all out." Naruto started crying louder, if that was even possible.

At that moment, Kiba, Shino, and Hinata ran through the room, chasing Iruka with flamethrower, sledgehammers, chainsaws, and of course, the magic kunai. "The magic kunai said we would get an A on that test!" they yelled. "You should have studied then!" Iruka yelled as he ran for his life. "Never!" they yelled. Then they saw Kakashi and Minato and stopped chasing Iruka, giving him just enough time to escape through the garbage shute. At that moment, all %$& broke loose. Kiba smashed Minato's head in with the sledgehammer, causing Naruto to wail even louder. Hinata burned Kakashi's Icha-Icha books as he watched, and his wailing, which was somehow even louder, was added to Naruto's. All the students were screaming and trampling Sasuke for no reason. Just then, Sasori broke through the wall riding a fire-breathing flying hippo and, while laughing like a maniac, had it set fire to the entire building."Free the munchkins!" was the only audible thing he said.

Amidst all the chaos, Shikamaru, Choji, and Ino somehow found each other. "Thanks for your help back there Ino!" Shikamaru had to yell over all the wailing and evil laughter. "If it weren't for you, my head might have exploded!" "It was nothing!" Ino also had to yell. "I just wanted to help, plus the look on Sasuke's face was hilarious! I think he choked on his sandwich!" "Does this mean we're all friends?" Choji yelled, finishing off said sandwich." "Yeah!" yelled Ino. "Yeah!" yelled Shikamaru.

Then the building exploded.

Kisame woke up with a start. "Whoa." He said, breathing heavily. "That was a weird dream. I guess I'll just go back to sleep."

"That sounds like a good idea." Kabuto said from the other side of the bed. Kisame looked over, then screamed.

Orochimaru woke up with a start. "What is it?" Kabuto asked. "Oh, just a strange dream is all. Hey, you wouldn't leave me for a fish man would you?" "No way! Fish are icky!" said Kabuto, with a look of disgust. "Now go back to sleep." "Okay." Feeling reassured, Orochimaru fell asleep, dreaming about catching Sasuke.

**A/N: I hope everyone liked it! This was my longest chapter so far, but since I haven't updated in a million years, it seems fitting. Anyway, I hope that was random enough. I'm still not too good at this. Thanks again to Zeezombie. You're the best. Oh, and about the disclaimer. I thought I would mix it up by putting it in the middle of the story!**

**REVIEW NOW!**

…**.**

**Please? **


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